For November I have decided to give up the drink... on week days
It's Movember, the month when everybody over the age of 12 grows a moustache for charity.
I've decided not to grow a moustache (although my brother would maintain I've had one for years) and instead give up the drink... during the week.
Everybody laughs when I say that last bit - 'during the week'. Apparently it makes me sound like a bit of a p***head. But the truth is, one of my favourite pastimes in life is a glass of wine in front of the telly during the week.
Normally I abstain of a Monday night, only in the name of decency and also on Sunday night when I watch Downton. You can't be under the influence when watching Downton. What would Lady Mary say?
Then Tuesday night it's Homeland, I wouldn't know what was going on in that if I didn't have a glass of wine. I still don't know what's going on with vino but at least I think I do.
Wednesday night is The Affair - wine is an absolute must watching Dominic West take his clothes off, Thursday night it's time for Deadliest Catch and Friday night it's Gogglebox and Graham Norton. Not a hope of staying teetotal!
Saturday night I'm usually out but if I'm not, it's Gin O'Clock to anaesthetise me from the horrors of X Factor.
So as you can see this is a massive sacrifice for me. And I must admit this has been the longest week ever!
I was grand Monday, by Tuesday I had ironed everything in the house. I'd have ironed the kids if they'd stayed still long enough.
By Wednesday I was ratty and became even rattier when the Father in Law tried to 'turn' me by dangling a bottle of wine in front of my nose.
On Thursday I momentarily contemplated pretending I had a stomach ache so that I could have a little tincture of brandy and port but Himself copped on and offered me gaviscon. He then had the cheek to ask me if I thought the weekend consisted of two days or three.
'Obviously three' I replied. 'But I'll be abstaining from alcohol on Sunday as I'll be going to 'The Abbey' I replied haughtily.
By the time Friday arrived I was gasping. I was in my jammies by 7pm stationed in front of the telly with a bottle of wine on the table and the remote control in my hand. Himself headed out with 'The Lads' and I waved him off enthusiastically, 'don't drink too much' I warned.
And so there are two things I have learnt this week. One is, sometimes anticipation is greater than reality. After two glasses I'd had enough - I didn't enjoy it half as much as I thought I would and the thoughts of having a hangover the next day just turned me off. Number Two, drinking alone is no fun. You need someone to be your wingman.
Only three weeks to go. I may be a reformed character by the end of it. Miracles can happen!