I don't want 'anything at all' this Christmas . I want a decent present!
Published 15/12/2015 | 00:00
I COULD be described as being a bit mercenary at Christmas time. Personally I prefer to think of it as being direct.
I can't stand all that faffing about when somebody asks you what would you like for Christmas and you answer, 'Oh anything at all.'
Of course you don't want 'anything at all!' You want a decent present, so rather than beating around the bush I just tell them straight.
I've written my letter to Santa and left it on the coffee table in the living room where I'm sure he'll see it. In the past I haven't written a letter and Santa has gotten it so wrong that I could've cheerfully wrung his neck!
Why in the name of all that is Holy would Santa get me sportswear? Anyone who knows me even vaguely would know I don't do sport.
Another year I got earrings which actually wouldn't have been that bad...if I had my ears pierced!
So I don't leave anything to chance anymore.
In my letter I have told Santa I've been good enough all year to deserve a voucher for my favourite boutique, some fancy shampoo and conditioner and an eye shadow palette containing soft neutrals, which I then changed to a cashmere jumper on sale in Mark and Spencer. Santa has no excuses!
Meanwhile my crowd have resurrected Kris Kindle. Recently as we all picked names out of a hat I decided to tell them what I'd like if they got me.
The limit was €50 but I told them to feel free to spend more if they wished. They ignored me as usual and carried on regardless.
Then my sister came up with a great idea, or so she thought. "I think whoever gets Justine should get her a goat for Christmas!'
Obviously I was horrified. 'I don't want a friggin' goat!' I replied.
She clarified the situation by explaining I wouldn't be actually taking delivery of the goat but that it would be going to Africa on my behalf.
'Well I still don't want it. DO NOT GET ME A GOAT!'
They then all told me how uncharitable I was. 'What about all the poor little children in Africa who would benefit from having your goat?' they asked.
'I don't give a feck about them, I don't want a goat!'
I know , I know, that was a terrible thing for me to say and it's not strictly true.
I mean I do care about the little children, of course I do...just not enough to get a goat for Christmas.
I suspect though I've dug my own grave here the way they were all laughing and whispering behind my back and whatever they have lined up for me certainly isn't going to be my requested Mac eyeshadow palette.
Season of peace and goodwill my eye!