Joining a slimming club has proved to be quite a challenge

By Justine O'Mahony

Published 20/02/2016 | 00:00

Justine O'Mahony.
Justine O'Mahony.

Last week I did something I never thought I'd do-I joined a Slimming Club!

Don't laugh because I tell you when you get a bit hefty around the rear end and it's getting bigger by the week, it's no laughing matter.

So off I went to my first meeting like a child on her first day at school. I was petrified. The Lady in charge was lovely though and told me to make myself a cup tea while I was waiting. I did just that and then enquired where was the sugar. She looked at me baffled. Of course duh! It was a slimming club! That was a bit like asking for alcohol at an AA meeting. Awkward!

And then the meeting started. They talked about syns which apparently you only have 15 of a day to use. Then there was free foods and healthy extras. There was food optimising and speed foods. By the end of the meeting I was bamboozled with information.

Next came everybody's favourite part-the weigh in, said nobody EVER! 'Hop up on the scales there,' said the lovely lady smiling encouragingly at me. It stopped at a number that was incorrect. 4lb incorrect to be exact.

'Eh I think your scales are wrong,' I pointed out. She smiled knowingly at me and said no, in fact they were right. Jaysus who knew a pair of trousers and a tee shirt could weigh so much!

I went home determined, absolutely determined to stay on plan and lose 2lb that week. Two hours later I rang a friend who's also on the plan. 'I've just had a cereal bar and a yoghurt for my breakfast. That's good isn't it?' There was silence.

'What?'

'Which cereal bar did you have?' I told her. Another silence.

'What?'

'That cereal bar is 9 and a half syns.'

'What???? That can't be feckin right? Sure that means I only have 5 and 1/2 syns left for the rest of the day?'

The so-called friend started to laugh. 'You don't even have enough for a glass of wine!'

I struggled on for another day, stuffing my face with fruit and veg and Muller Lights. Honest to God if someone mentions Muller Light to me once more I will scream! But on Thursday I fell off the wagon when I purchased an apple crumble for my father in law in Avoca. It never reached his lips as I got to it first. Oh. My. God. The taste of that buttery crumble was like angels dancing in my tummy.

Himself was all smug. 'Hahahaha your diet didn't last very long,' says he tucking in to half an entire apple crumble and custard. 'Shut up!' I replied pouring myself a large glass of wine. Might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb.

'You don't need to go on a diet anyway, you're fine the way you are' said the Eldest. My heart melted. 'Oh thanks lovey, that's such a nice thing to say.'

'Yeah, apparently middle aged spread is perfectly normal at your age.' Someone pass the Muller Light!

Wexford People

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