We've decided to do phone 'cold turkey' - this won't end well
Published 18/08/2015 | 00:00
Last Saturday was Date Night.
I know, I know it's pretty pathetic when you have to actually make an effort to spend some time with your partner by pencilling them into your diary, but if I'd left him to his own devices we'd have been sitting in with a six pack watching the golf, incommunicado except for when he shouted things about birdies and bogies at the telly.
So I booked dinner. And it was lovely. For the first half an hour we chatted away about the minutiae of our lives and then my phone buzzed. I picked it up to check it and he rolled his eyes. 'Can you not leave that phone down for five minutes?'
'It was just someone replying to something I posted on facebook,' I said, putting the phone back down. He rolled his eyes again. 'Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, you're addicted.' I started to get annoyed and was about to retaliate when he stood up to say he was going to the loo. Not on his own thought. NO! He was bringing his phone!
'Oh My God! You are such a hypocrite! You're getting onto me for constantly being on the phone and you can't even go to the loo without yours!' The couple beside us stopped eating to listen better.
He had the decency to look a little shamefaced but then ruined it by saying, 'Yeah but I'm not on facebook or twitter. I use my phone to read the news,' he says sanctimoniously before escaping to the loo, with his phone.
He returned five minutes later, during which time I'd knocked back a glass of wine and sent up a heartfelt prayer to God that he'd drop his phone down the loo and then pee on it by accident! (Don't ever get on the wrong side of me!)
'Ok. I've been thinking,' he announces. Never a good sign. The couple beside us are all ears now. 'Look around you. Practically every single person in this restaurant has been checking their phone since we came in.' I looked around. He was right. There was very little conversation going on, especially with the bigger groups and I hate to admit this, but especially with the women who were all glued to their devices, tapping away with their shellaced fingers , hundreds of words a minute.
'Let's do cold turkey.' Now when Himself poses something as a question, it usually means he has decided we are doing it, whether I like it or not. 'What do you mean?' I ask, although I have a horrible feeling I know exactly what he means.
'Let's give up our phones, ipads, laptops-the whole lot for 24 hours. Just to see if we can do it.' I get a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I can't say no because if I do, he'll gloat and say I'm a social media addict (which I possibly am) but if I do, it means one whole day without any information, interaction, gossip, misinformation-you may as well just put me out in the middle of the desert on my own and leave me there.
'OK fine! Let's do it, but no cheating!' We shake hands and turn the phones off.
This is not going to end well!