When married your crushes have to become theoretical
I haven't had a crush in years.
Actually I think the last time I had a serious crush was in 1993 and the object my affections was an Irish DJ in Playa Del Ingles! I followed him around like a lovesick puppy for two weeks but unfortunately my feelings weren't reciprocated. I returned home and wrote him a letter, care of The Shamrock Bar. He never replied. I was devastated but it was a lesson well learnt. No one unworthy, ever stole my heart again!
Of course once you get married, your crushes have to become theoretical and quite frequently the objects are famous and unattainable, good for dreaming about but never going to become a reality.
In the last few months I have fallen hook, line and sinker for actor Jeffrey Dean Morgan who plays private investigator Jason Krauss in the TV series, The Good Wife. He has dimples, soulful eyes, greying hair and a gravelly voice. He is my perfect man.
Himself's current crush is Olivia Munn, who is probably best known for her role in the X Men films. She is stunningly beautiful with long black hair, dark eyes and a body to die for.
I dream about Jeffrey. He is my happy place. When I watch the Good Wife on my own, I pause the scenes where the camera is solely on him and I gaze adoringly at his handsome face. When I watch it with Himself, I sigh happily, wondering if I'm a bit too old to put posters on my bedroom wall.
But lately it's gotten a bit personal. Himself has taken to relentlessly insulting Jeffrey every time he's on the telly.
'He's a tosser!'
'Don't call him that. He is not a tosser.'
'He is. And he's smarmy.'
'He SO is NOT smarmy! He is intense and deep...and thoughtful.'
Cue big sarcastic laugh.
'Is intense another word for boring?' he inquires.
I ignore him for the rest of the programme.
Meanwhile last Sunday morning as I was eating my brekkie, Olivia Munn appears on TV show Sunday Brunch, looking, it has to be said, amazing.
'Oh look, it's your girl,' I tell him. He turns up the volume and smiles beatifically. 'God she's gorgeous,' he says. I grudgingly agree. I'm nothing if not honest, which is more than I can say about him.
The presenters proceed to do a wine tasting with some of the guests, The Lovely Livvie knocks back three glasses of wine in one gulp and starts opening cupboards looking for more alcohol.
Himself is laughing indulgently. 'Ah she's great craic!'
I glare at him. 'What? She's just gotten drunk on live tv and made a show of herself. If I did that you'd kill me.'
'Ah yeah. But you don't look like Olivia Munn,' he replies.
The current situation on the home front is all picture, no sound!