independent

Saturday 25 November 2017

Brave Mary opens her heart in courageous telling of story

bY dAVID TUCKER

Mary Beary with a picture of her late son Martin and with her book of poetry.
Mary Beary with a picture of her late son Martin and with her book of poetry.
Mary Beary with a picture of her late son Martin and with her book of poetry.

A WEXFORD mother, whose son 'gentle giant' of a son died from a suspected drugs overdose, has opened her heart in a book of poetry, written for the people who supported her through dark and lonely times.

It is also dedicated to those who have died through drugs and suicide and the families they have left behind.

Mary Beary's 33-year-old son Martin Morrisey Beary died at his grandfather's house in August last year, four years after winning a long battle to survive another drug-induced trauma.

She said people may wonder why she had decided to share her story, to let others know her inner feelings.

'I want people to know that my son was a good person, but sadly for him, he made some very bad choices in his life. He got involved with people who manipulated him and knew he was an easy target.'

In the very frank telling of her story, 'Healing, The Long Road Back, a collection of poetry from a grieving mother,' Mary says that her hopes and dreams for her son 'all came crashing down around me' on August 30, 2016.

'My dad phoned me, he could not wake Martin. It was 5.45 a.m. on a Tuesday morning.'

She said that her partner carried out CPR on Martin, but there was no response, 'but I still thought he would be OK. Two ambulance attendents tried to get his heart to start again, but to no avail.

'Martin, my son died that morning.'

She said she did not know at that time what he had died from, but as the days went by.. 'I knew, deep in my heart, it was drugs.

'To say I was angry is an understatement. I was like a volcano, ready to explode. I wanted answers, someone to blame, to make sense of it all. But there are no real answers, my son was gone and nothing will ever bring him back.'

While Martin died last year, she said the nightmare began almost five years ago, when she got a call from Wexford General Hospital to say he had been brought in unconscious.

She said a doctor told her Martin had taken drugs and that all his vital organs had shut down.

'He said Martin would not survive. My son was dying. He had taken heroin.'

Mary said that while there was no hope for Martin, somehow he did survive, and although he had both mental and physical scars following his ordeal.

When he eventually left hospital, he came to live with her and she became his carer.

'This was a nightmare. Everything had to revolve around him. Although he was the same person as before, stubborn and hard to get through to, he now had both physical and mental problems. He eventually moved out.. my time was spent trying to help him as much as any mother would do for her child. I had many sleepless nights wondering if I he was OK, who was he with.

'Unfortunately, you can't just switch off from this torment.'

But last August, Martin, a father of two daughters, again had a bad reaction to drugs and the nightmare for Mary began again.

Mary said her family, friends and neighbours had been unbelievable and supportive sine Martin's death, but when she looks back now she wonders how she kept going and there were many times when she wanted to give up. Realising she could no longer deal with the pain of tragedy on her own any longer, Mary contacted the Wexford Support Group and found she was not alone.

'I was not going mad. Here was a group of people who had gone through, and some are still going through, a similar situation to me. I quickly realised that this nightmare had touched many families, just like mine. I also went to counselling. It felt so good to talk. Between those two groups I found great support.

'I realised that I was actually a strong person. I also had great faith and that helped me so much. I firmly belive I will see Martin again.'

Mary says she had come to understand that Martin would always have struggled in life. 'He wasn't strong enough to break away. He was vulnerable and easily led. He was an easy target,' she said.

Mary said she started writing poetry when her sister Rosie died.

'I find it great therapy in times of sadness and distress. I hope, by reading my story and my poems, that someone who is struggling, in any way, will take courage from these words. I hope it helps them realise that their life is precious and that they are cherished.

'Please believe me when I say there is help for everyone, but it is up to you to take the first step. Seek the help and do not be afraid to tell someone that you are struggling with the burdens of life. Never given up and always remember, it is never too late.'

Mary's words of poetry are deeply personal and in some of the refrains she bares her soul, telling of Martin as a baby - the apple of her eye - telling the children their daddy's gone - the hardest thing to do - telling of grief - it comes upon you like a thief in the night. of loss - that rips you to the core, of regrets - too late to say you're sorry and suicide - which has knocked you door and shattered every heart'

One poem - The Dealerz: These people have no morals, they take and never give. You'll never walk away from them, you'll struggle, just to live'. *Mary's book will be launched at Wexford Library at 7 p.m. on Thursday.

Wexford People

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