Being the only non-snorer in your family has its downsides, particularly when on holiday
Family holidays are fraught at the best of times. Grown up relations are not programmed to spend extended periods of time with one another in a confined space.
It almost always ends in arguments. Childhood resentments can linger long after childhood is over.
A few glasses of sangria during a long weekend in Benidorm with your nearest and dearest can easily result in fisticuffs at sundown!
And yet here I am sunning myself on the Costa Blanca with The Oul Fella, a brother, the sister in law, a friend and another brother and sister in law down the road. Potential for disaster you could say.
Yet by day three no one had fallen out or bet the s***e out of each other. We were all being very civilised and apart from occasional slagging over incidents that occurred 35 years ago, (brother number 2 continues to deny leaving me on a wall for two hours in the dark and freezing cold while he was supposed to be minding me) the general mood was upbeat.
EXCEPT for one thing-the snoring!
I, apparently am the only non snorer of the group. The rest of them could be heard half a mile away sending shockwaves through the nearest Irish bar.
So where do I sleep? Therein lay the problem. On the first night I bunked in with my friend.
After several cocktails I was convinced I would conk out as soon as my head hit the pillow. Wrong!
Her snores got louder by the minute and after an hour I abandoned ship. I took my pillow and my teddy and camped on the couch.
The rest of them are all out in sympathy with her. Apparently it's not her fault she snores. It's mine that I don't!
The Oul Fella says I can take the spare bed in his room. I reluctantly concede. I last 20 mins.
Not only does he snore but he stops breathing every so often so I think he's after kicking the bucket. I hit him a dig. "Jesus would you stop not breathing!" He ignores me and goes back to sleep.
Me and teddy end up on the couch again. The next day I ask the brother and the wife could I hop in with them. I am flatly refused.
I am contemplating booking in to the local hotel and leaving them to it. They think it's a great idea.
When I suggest they all pay for it, they laugh and tell me to buy a set of earplugs.
You can choose your friends...