Sunday 18 August 2019

It sure is a small world, particularly when it comes to old flames

By Justine O'Mahony

It's a small world. In fact it's such a small world that you can't even go to hospital these days without bumping into half the bloody country or to be more precise, half you or your husband's exes! And I wouldn't mind but I don't even have that many exes.

So last week I had to go to hospital for a minor operation. And no, it wasn't a face lift or liposuction because a) that's not minor and b) I can't afford it! Suffice to say the operation required paper hat and knickers and one of those gowns that opens at the back. It wasn't my best look.

The drugs were great though! One minute I was looking at the anaesthetists' smiley face, the next thing I woke up in the recovery room cove red in a heated blanket and a lovely nurse talking to me gently. I couldn't see anything because I hadn't got my glasses on but through the fog of anaesthesia I could hear a voice that I recognised.

I asked my nurse for my glasses. I put them on and there across the room I spotted another nurse, a friend of mine. 'Hey Louise!' I shouted in my drug induced euphoria, giving her the thumbs up. She laughed and came over to say hello and I told her the drugs were brilliant.

Then the other nurse who had been looking after me says, 'By the way, I'm Trish.' It was the way she said it. Something in my befuddled brain clicked and I looked at her again. 'Trish? Trish-as in Himself's ex?' The Ex that he was going out with when he met ME!

She laughed graciously and said, 'Ah now sure that was a long time ago. And anyway aren't you my husband's ex?!'

I looked at her blankly and then suddenly I remembered who she was married to. Yes! I had snogged him many years ago. Only the once though! Mortification doesn't half cover it!

I looked from Trish to Louise who were being so lovely and Florence Nightingale-ey and another godawful penny dropped. I had actually snogged Louise's husband once as well, obviously before he was her husband, but still! The drugs were starting to wear off and there I was-a cheap slut who appears to have snogged half the husbands of the nurses in the hospital and I'm wearing paper knickers and no make up in front of them!

Just as I think it can't get any worse. Trish says 'and I believe my daughter and your son are very friendly.' I politely inquire as to her daughter's name. She tells me, laughing. It's the name of The Eldest's new girlfriend, the one he went on a date with last weekend.

Then a terrible realisation dawns on me - He's only dated one other girl about a year ago and you're not going to believe this but it was Louise's daughter. HOW did I end up in this hell, where I've snogged both their husbands, my husband has snogged one of them and my son has dated both their daughters?

Shoot me now!

Wexford People