Friday 19 January 2018

The downfall of shorts and the upside of sun hot smartphones

DAvid Looby

David Looby
David Looby

with the mercury hitting the high teens and the shorts, t-shirt and sun factor on, a routine trip to the local shop turned into an afternoon's meltdown for yours truly on Easter Bank Holiday Monday.

Having brought The Whilrwind Princess along, while The Little Fella was napping, I bought a few bare necessities and a Freaky Foot ice cream for my charge, having secreted a bag of marshmallows she had snatched from one of the sweet bag racks, evilly placed at child's reach level, onto an out-of-sight shelf.

Once I got to the car, I placed everything on the roof, while putting the princess in the car seat.

As I was wearing shorts, I had nowhere to store my phone and wallet, so they were also placed on the grey car roof also.

I took the food and wallet off the roof and got into the car, taking a long route back home with the window down, lapping up the breeze.

As I arrived I noticed my phone wasn't anywhere to be found. I went inside and rang it on The Good Woman's phone and there was no line. A panicky dread feeling washed over me and the blood in my veins began to throb.

The Good Woman had no sympathy as she was working from home and her sympathyometer had long since been exhausted anyway.

I got back into the car to the befuddlement of the Whirlwind Princess and like a whirlwind raced off to retrace my steps.

Now fearing the phone, which cost a bomb and was insuranceless, was smashed to bits on the side of the road somewhere, I checked the roads and got out of the car and down on my belly to check under neighbouring cars, but still no sign.

I called into the shop on the off chance that it had fallen out of my shorts' pocket, but no phone had been found. I started to imagine all the work contacts I had on it gone and all the hassle that comes along with losing a phone.

Paranoia gripped me and I started picturing some malevolent phone expert stumbling upon it and unlocking it to sell on at a local phone shop. Worse still, a prankster sending out dodgy messages to all the contacts.

I called into another shop and still no sign.

A small gang of teenagers bopping along to music blaring on their smartphone were accosted. 'Have you seen a silver phone in a grey cover,' I asked. 'No, but if we do, we'll let you know,' the leader kindly replied.

In my haste driving around I almost crashed into the children's childminder from creche.

Defeated, I returned to the shop where the embarrasing faux pas had occurred and resting my arm on the car roof, saw the phone lying metal side down as if magnetically attached to the gleaming beast!

Relief washed over me; the Little Princess, half rolling her eyes, sighed, 'Can we go home now!'

Had some benevolent angel returned it while I was inside the shop looking around, or could it be that these smart phones really are smart, smarter than some of us humans even. I had driven around New Ross, which would give Le Mans a run for its money, over bumps, round corners, up drunken, inverse vertigo inducing streets and it stayed put.

A cooler head is clearly needed and the hot weather's only begun!

Wexford People

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